


Red vs Blue: Halloween PSA

by dresdenlies, sorcio



Series: Canon compliant [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Comedy, Felix | Isaac Gates Being a Dick, Gen, Halloween, PSA, set in Season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27331987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dresdenlies/pseuds/dresdenlies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorcio/pseuds/sorcio
Summary: COMEDY || Red vs Blue PSA kindly brought to you by your favourite mercenaries.
Relationships: Felix | Isaac Gates & Locus | Samuel Ortez
Series: Canon compliant [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997074
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	Red vs Blue: Halloween PSA

**Author's Note:**

  * For [autisticblueteam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/autisticblueteam/gifts).



Felix and Locus are standing in front of a camera somewhere in the Tartarus ship.

"Hello, I am Felix from the popular webseries Red vs Blue."

" **And I am Locus, from the same show.** "

"So, we finally reached the end of October. Know what this means?" he gestures flamboyantly before answering his own rhetorical question "IT'S HALLOWEEEEEEEEEE-- We were supposed to say it together."

" **I am not planning on celebrating Halloween.** "

"What th-- I KNOW, but can't you cooperate _just for once_?!" he yells through gritted teeth at Locus who already managed to ruin his groove at like ten seconds into the video "We're doing a Halloween PSA, our subscribers expect us to cover this topic!"

" **We have orders to take care of.** " answers Locus with his perpetually stern tone, making him sigh. 

"We'll get to that in a couple of minutes, okay?" Felix forces himself to fake a smile to the point that it's noticeable even with his helmet on by the way he speaks, silkier than usual "Now, where was I? Oh yeah, Halloween PSA. Halloween is the best holiday of the year, where everyone can get absolutely fucked up without having to pretend to care about any lame religious meaning and--"

" **Halloween is Día de Brujas in Mexico. Some celebrate it in order to prepare for Día de Todo los Santos on November first and Día de los muertos on the second.** "

"Uhhhhhh...We're in America."

" **We are on Chorus.** "

"Yeah, well, but we're on the Internet? ...Which is American? _Jackass_."

" **...** "

"..."

" **...** "

"..."

" _ **Right**_." Locus inevitably surrenders to his partner's insistence and decides to play along " **What is your favourite part about Halloween?** "

"I'm glad you asked! My favourite part of Halloween is dressing up. More specifically, girls in slutty costumes. Even more specifically, _drunk_ girls in slutty costumes!"

" **FELIX.** "

"What? They're more approachable."

" **How so?** "

"They're more lighthearted and ready to be impressed, so I can show them my cool knife tricks." he then nods towards a carved pumpkin depicting a helmet that could be literally anyone's as he pulls out a knife "See that pumpkin over there with Tucker's face carved onto it? I'm gonna throw a knife from ten feet away while doing a sick backflip."

" **Please don't.** "

"Come on, I'll be fine!"

" **You cannot afford to risk getting injured before a mission.** "

"Me?" Felix laughs "Dude, who do you think you're talking to?"

" **Last time you practised, you injured Sharkface.** " points out the other mercenary, but is met with a mere shrug.

"In my defense, I stabbed him on purpose."

" **...** "

"..."

" **...Give me that knife.** "

They are interrupted by the unholy screech of the intercom. An equally unholy voice follows:

"If I may--"

" **What is that?** "

"It's the disembodied voice of Price, without a tangible form for us to murder. Now, _that_ sounds like a nightmare!"

"If I may, Locus," Price repeats "I have my trusted suppliers of painkillers and...Other types of medecines available for you to use in case of injury. I used to deliver them along with candy to trick or treating agents, during Project Freelancer."

" **You want us to be high during missions.** " Locus asks, but the disbelief in his voice doesn't make it sound like a question.

"You will be surprised to hear that Agent Maine performed exceptionally well while under the influence of substances."

" **In that case...** " Locus starts considering it, which drives Felix crazy.

"Christ, is that really all it takes?! He can just make you do anything by saying that the Meta would do it too?!"

"Please do not be too hard on Locus." Price notes softly "He is still recovering from the blender incident."

"Wait. THAT WAS YOU?! YOU TOLD HIM THAT THE META FUCKED A BLENDER?!"

"I will not take responsibility for that."

"Wow." he turns to Locus "He brought a mix of candy and drugs _and_ tricked you into fucking a blender. I can't believe even Price parties harder than you."

"I am glad to be of assistence."

Locus gets annoyed and his voice gets more somber:

" **Of course you are, it's the only reason why we didn't shoot you point blank.** "

"..."

Price quietly switches off the intercom. Punk.

" **Can we close the video and start our mission now?** "

"Yeah...Guess we'll keep the painkillers for later, it's not like we're not gonna need them."

" **We should separate the candy from the drugs, just to make sure.** "

"You're kidding? That's the fun part! Shame we blew our cover, I could've played this prank on Palomo."

" **You mean _you_ blew our cover.**"

"Also drugs are not worth wasting on those idiots. I would've just slipped in razor blades."

" **You put razor blades in candy?** "

" _And_ in playground slides, what's your point?" he's about to keep talking but then he has a realization "WAIT."

" **...** "

"...I'll be right back."

" **Don't. Do that.** "

Too late, Felix already walked offscreen.

"HEY FISH STICK, DO YOU WANT SOME CANDY?"

Locus holds back a sigh, gives a final stare to the camera.

" ** _Unfortunate_**." 

**Author's Note:**

> Locus is TOTALLY stupid enough of a himbo to fuck a blender if Price (who is totally malevolent enough) tells him that the Meta did that, don't @ us.


End file.
